Cara’s story

When Cara’s husband became addicted to meth and started being violent, it was a ‘deal breaker’. Now parenting on her own, she turned to Iosis for parenting support for herself and her four children.

Cara is a single mum who loves being a mother to her four children – two teenage boys and two young girls. She has always been determined to give her children a different childhood to the one she experienced, which involved violence, alcohol and drug abuse. “My number one rule when I became a parent was that I never wanted to expose my kids to any of that,” she says.

Despite her tough upbringing, Cara did well at school. Even though she fell pregnant and had her first child in Year 12, she completed Year 13 and went on to do a health carers course at tertiary level. “I was determined to show people that you can be a young mum, but also a good mum,” she explains. Cara enjoyed working as a health carer and started studying for her nursing degree, although she put that on hold when she had her younger two children.

During those years, her relationship with her partner was always a bit up and down. “We were together for a long time, from a young age, so in some ways we grew up together. He had a very neglected childhood, but he’d always tried to be a very good father.”Cara reached out to Iosis after discovering her husband’s meth addiction. “He was often away for work, so the addiction was well-established by the time I found out,” she says. “He also became violent, and I had always told him that exposing the children to violence was a deal breaker.”

Her husband left and Cara began parenting the children on her own. “It was tough going. My eldest boy had always been a great student, but he started to play up and get into the wrong crowd, not attending school and getting involved in criminal activity. I didn’t know what to do – it was so out of character for him.“

Cara was starting to feel like everything was getting on top of her. “As well as getting support to parent my son, I knew I needed to fix myself too. With all that was going on, my childhood traumas were starting to bubble back up and that’s when I contacted Iosis to seek counselling,” she explains.

“We’re absolutely in a better place”

Cara started working with the Parent Support team at Iosis. “Banu, my parent support person, has been so amazing. She is a treasure as she’s been so supportive and always goes the extra mile. When I shared my issues, she’d spend time understanding and thinking through the best way for us going forward.”

Cara says Banu’s support was practical and insightful. “She helped me set up routines for the family which along with parenting strategies for managing my son gave me so much personal support and encouragement. Banu was an absolute Godsend, and I was very sad to say goodbye to her when I reached the end of my sessions.”

Cara says both her and her eldest son are now “absolutely in a better place”. Her son is back to being a good student, and her other children are doing well too. “Reaching out for help is scary when you’ve grown up with violence – all I’d heard as a child was ‘don’t tell or they’ll take you away’,” she says. “I had to overcome this fear for the sake of my family and hope and trust that this wouldn’t be the case.”

To other parents in similar situations, she says, “Don’t be afraid to reach out for help. It doesn’t mean you’ll lose your children, and it can make your family stronger. I felt so much relief when I started getting help from Iosis and they’ve been nothing but supportive.” 

*Name has been changed and a stock image used to protect privacy.